Australian Aboriginal avoidance practices

Lore & Background

The three most common avoidance relationships across most language groups are son/daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, brother-sister, and same-sex relationships. The strongest kinship avoidance rule bans a person from talking directly to their mother-in-law or even seeing her; a mother-in-law eats apart from her son-in-law or daughter-in-law and their spouse. If both are present at a ceremony, they sit with their backs to each other but communicate via the wife or husband. This relationship extends to avoiding all women of the same skin group as the mother-in-law and all men of the same skin group as the son-in-law. The age of marriage differs greatly, with girls usually marrying at puberty while a man may not marry until his late 20s or later, so the avoidance practice may serve to circumvent potential illicit relationships or overcome a common cause of family friction.

Reader's Guide

Brother-sister avoidance usually takes place after initiation; prior to that, brothers and sisters play together freely. Both these avoidance relationships are grounded in the Australian Aboriginal kinship system and are ways of avoiding incest in small bands of closely related people. Once children are older, they are viewed as potential marital partners and their sexual behavior becomes one of strict avoidance until married. Permanent relationships are prescribed by traditional law and often arranged before birth. Same-sex relationships are viewed in the same light as other crimes against community, such as incestuous, interracial or unarranged relationships, and carry the same penalties. Intimate bodily contact between women regardless of marital status is not considered sexually suggestive but affirmation of friendship. The practice of avoiding naming the dead traditionally meant avoiding referring to a dead person by name directly after death as a mark of respect and because it is considered too painful for the grieving family. Today, many communities also avoid sharing electronic impressions of the person, and television stations use disclaimers warning viewers that programs may contain images and voices of dead Indigenous people. The avoidance period may last one or more years, and the person can still be referred to indirectly, such as by a generic skin name. In some Central Australian communities, if a girl named Alice dies, 'Alice' must be avoided in all contexts, so a township like Alice Springs would be referred to indirectly. Those living with the same name as one of the dead are called a substitute name during the avoidance period, such as 'Kuminjay' or 'Galyardu'. As people have moved into larger communities of 300 to 600 people, the logistics of name avoidance have become increasingly difficult, leading to more exotic and rare names in Central Australia and desert communities.

Did You Know?

• The strongest kinship avoidance rule bans a person from talking directly to their mother-in-law or even seeing her.
• Brother-sister avoidance usually takes place after initiation; prior to that, brothers and sisters play together freely.
• Intimate bodily contact between women regardless of marital status is not considered sexually suggestive but affirmation of friendship.
• In some Central Australian communities, if a girl named Alice dies, the name 'Alice' must be avoided in all contexts, so Alice Springs would be referred to indirectly.

The Mother-in-Law Rule and Its Social Architecture

The most rigid avoidance relationship in traditional Aboriginal kinship systems involves the son-in-law or daughter-in-law and their spouse's mother. In many language groups, direct speech between these parties is forbidden, and in some cases even visual contact is restricted. Meals are taken separately, and if both parties attend the same ceremony, they position themselves with their backs turned. Communication flows exclusively through the married partner, who acts as the sole intermediary. This prohibition extends well beyond the immediate family: a son-in-law must avoid all women belonging to his mother-in-law's skin group, and she, in turn, avoids all men in his skin group. Scholars have noted that because girls traditionally marry around puberty while men may not marry until their late twenties or beyond, the two parties are often of similar age. The practice may therefore function as a safeguard against inappropriate romantic entanglements, while also diffusing a common source of domestic tension. Language-specific customs often accompany these rules, adding another layer of cultural protocol to everyday interaction.

Brother-Sister Avoidance and the Architecture of Incest Prevention

In most traditional Aboriginal societies, the relationship between brothers and sisters undergoes a dramatic transformation once a boy passes through initiation. Before that rite of passage, siblings interact freely, playing and socializing without restriction. After initiation, however, a formal avoidance protocol takes hold, and the two must limit direct contact. This shift is rooted in the broader kinship system that organizes social life across small, closely related bands. Together with the mother-in-law rule, the brother-sister avoidance protocol serves as a structural mechanism for preventing incest within communities where the pool of eligible partners is limited by blood ties. While these two relationships represent the most widely observed avoidance rules across language groups, numerous additional protocols exist, including same-sex avoidance arrangements. The entire framework operates as a social architecture: by codifying who may speak to whom, sit near whom, and interact freely, the kinship system channels relationships into approved channels and maintains social order in tightly knit groups where everyone is, in some sense, a relative.

Naming the Dead: Respect, Grief, and Modern Complications

One of the most enduring avoidance practices involves the naming of deceased community members. Traditionally, referring to a dead person by their first name was considered both disrespectful and deeply painful for the bereaved family, so the name was set aside for a period that could last a year or longer. During this time, the individual might be described indirectly—perhaps as "that old lady" or by their generic skin-group name. In some Central Australian communities the prohibition is so thorough that if a girl named Alice dies, the word "Alice" must be avoided in every context, meaning a place like Alice Springs would require an indirect reference. People who share the same name as the deceased adopt a temporary substitute name, such as "Kuminjay" in Pintupi-Luritja or "Galyardu" in Wajarri. Today the practice has expanded to include electronic images and recordings of the dead, and Australian television stations routinely air disclaimers warning Indigenous viewers. The shift from small family bands to towns of three to six hundred people has made name avoidance far more logistically complex, prompting a rise in rare and unusual personal names, especially in desert communities.

Sexual Avoidance, Community Law, and the Language of Touch

From the time children are old enough to be considered potential partners, their sexual conduct falls under strict avoidance rules until a permanent relationship is formally established. Traditional law prescribes these pairings, and in many cases the arrangement is made before the child is even born. Any intimate contact outside these sanctioned bonds is treated with the same severity as other transgressions against the community—incestuous, interracial, or unarranged relationships all carry comparable penalties. Interestingly, the same framework draws a sharp distinction around women's physical contact. Regardless of marital status, intimate touch between women is understood not as a sexual act but as an affirmation of friendship and a legitimate right to touch. This is especially evident when women share jokes or discuss sexual topics, where gestures such as nipple tweaking or groin grabbing function as expressions of closeness rather than arousal. In this way, the avoidance system simultaneously enforces rigid boundaries around sanctioned sexuality while preserving a rich, tactile language of female solidarity.