The Three Army Surgeons

Synopsis

Three army doctors traveling together decided to show off for an innkeeper by operating on themselves. They each removed a body part—one took off his hand, another cut out his heart, and the third plucked out his own eyes—planning to reattach them in the morning with a special salve. That night, a maid at the inn was visited by her lover, a soldier. She gave him food from a cupboard where the organs were stored.

While she was distracted, a cat stole the organs. When she discovered they were missing, she told the soldier. He went to the gallows, cut a hand from a thief, and brought it back. He also got a pig’s heart and a cat’s eyes.

In the morning, the surgeons used their salve to attach these replacements. Once back on the road, the doctor with the cat’s eyes couldn’t see and needed guiding. The one with the pig’s heart began rooting in the dirt. At the next inn, the third doctor, now with a thief’s hand, couldn’t stop stealing.

They returned to the first inn, but the maid fled at the sight of them. The surgeons threatened to burn the place down unless the innkeeper paid them. He gave them enough money to retire, though they still wished for their original organs back.

Did You Know?

• Doctor Swineheart in the Fables comic book is one of the three surgeons.
• Swineheart boasts about being the best field surgeon in the world.
• Swineheart also plays a role in the related video game, The Wolf Among Us.